none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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