I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
