Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
