I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize