She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
