Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
