he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
