So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize