I hate your face
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
