I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
