loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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