she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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