I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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