ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
