i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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