At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
