I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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