well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
try to milk me bitch
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
