She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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