I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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