just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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