he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
