I think i peed on brittanys purse
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have already put on my inside pants.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
