you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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