What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
