So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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