yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
