Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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