I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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