He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
