Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
