he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
