i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
home. puking in laundry basket.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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