If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
