I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
