happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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