Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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