so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
