i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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