he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
