i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
sex in a hospital.. check
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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