Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
