Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
