I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
