sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
