someone threw a dead crab at me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You can't just leave with hair like that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
