hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
