I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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