The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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