I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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