It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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