A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
