I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
