That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
