i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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