Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
