as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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