I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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