And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
