She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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