he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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