i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
