i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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