Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
why is half of my head shaved?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
