Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
