Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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