Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
