I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
