ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Even my vagina gasped.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
