i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
