Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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