youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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