I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
