8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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