What did we do last night that was yellow?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
