she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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