"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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