There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
