I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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