i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
