i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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