Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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